Lord, If I can’t be skinny, please, let all my friends be fat! – Unknown
My first thought was liposuction this time, everything seems to fail, yes, this is what they called rock bottom and I am hitting it hard for the second time. I used to be perfectly slim and I thought I had gone through this fatness thing. But like a devil in disguise it crawls back to me and I honestly hate it. Am I really obese again?
I told myself I am not ready to be fat, no-no not anymore while I am in a medical college because all medical students are thin and slim and I don’t want to stand out among my peers. It’s hurting I hate the way my shirt clings to every protruding lump, the way my ass strains to get free from the confines of my ever shrinking pants. I hate the way my undulating waves of excess jiggle when I walk. “Well Fatty”, the skinny bastard inside me says, “I guess you don’t hate yourself enough to actually do something about it?” What, are you kidding? Where have all my daily regime of horrendous gym workout and dieting gone? I have been on so many diets, tried so many things, so many times, it hardly seems that I have not done something about it and now I find it crippling.
Of all the socially descriptive categories in our society — tall/short, quiet/loud, outgoing/shy, pretty/plain, dark/fair, funny/serious – there is only one that causes continued and increasing levels of shame, embarrassment, self-loathing, and even disgust: thin/fat.
F-A-T: I should say, it is the most terrifying three-letter word. You would think there are lot of worse things that someone could be in, but in our society and the way most people think, to be fat is to be a failure, lazy, uncontrolled eating, eating disorders, lack of exercise, self-discipline and much much more.
One thing most of us and our society deemed to accept is “We have always valued thinness. So, the standard of beauty will never change.” And, thin is beautiful!! “The thinner you are the more attractive you will be.” I don’t know, really? Since when do protruding ribs, gaunt faces and forearm-sized thighs seem more attractive?
Fat is the opposite of fit, right? Fat is the feared ingredient in a recipe for certain death, yes? Tying shoes is a challenge, breathing becomes difficult, walking is an effort, life quality is poor, you lose respect, depression sets in, clothing does not fit, meeting and keeping friends is tough, perspiration and body odor? And, most of all, finding a mate is difficult!!
It’s okay. You’re not alone.
I want to tell people who’ve never lived this, who think they have the answers, the right to judge, who think obese are liars, lazy, disgusting, gluttonous, dirty, shameful to shut the fcuk up. You have no fcuking idea, you are either too poor to be fat or you have a lot of brown fat adipose tissue that prevent you to be obese, so, you cannot judge or lecture fat people. Your concern is unwelcome and useless.
Actually, I was laughing the whole time while I was typing this post, because I am never fat anymore as I used to be. I have gone through an intensive gym workout, burnt lots of calories, practice the habit of walking and saving money than enjoying a ride in an auto rickshaw, control diet, avoiding junk food, mental and physical preparedness and an obsession so strong to be thin, slim and fit. Do you really think it is possible to loathe myself anymore? You inner-monologue prick!!
And you ‘fatty’ never ever in your lifetime ever make this; Losing weight and getting fit at the top of the list of your New Year’s resolutions unless you are going to do something about it, God doesn’t work His miracle like that, put in some effort, maybe stop eating/eat less, exercise more, walk instead of a taxi ride, save money by not going to some fancy restaurants. Oh! Merciful “God of thinness” (?) if you are out there please help all my chubby, plump, obese, weighty, portly, stout, thick skin friends who read this post to be thin and fit like the writer of this blog.
Seriously, accept life, take it as a challenge, prove yourself. Show them you can, but not you can’t. Don’t “God why am I fat?” Thank God for it, have a big fat heart. But, not like a heart that is stuffed with cholesterol..
I have a big and healthy fat heart, I am thin and fit, but not skinny, I love my life, I enjoy what I study (when there are no exams) I am happy. I don’t put my life on hold “until I lose weight” anymore. I am fat otherwise not physically, but mentally and I praise God for it. I am a progressive young adult, “I am fat and I know it”
(Jorhat, 3rd May, 2013)
[I am not a dietitian or a doctor to lecture about what to eat and what not to eat; what to and what not. Here, and there; this and that. This is just what it is: Being fat!]