Hell week starts next week because we will have our semester exam so, maybe this will be my last blog post before mid-June. I wrote on my Facebook status that I will blog about my new girlfriend, but something inside me tells me to stop playing with madness so I better not blog about whoever she is! There is this thing which keeps me awake night after night: ‘Relationship’ which I will rather blog about.
Relationship, oh Boy!
Most of us can function normally day to day, but when we see someone attractive across a crowded room. We become locked into a catatonic state: ‘Frozen Behavior’. It happens to everyone. Maybe it’s happening to you right now as you read this on your laptop or mobile phone. See that pretty girl? Go talk to her. See what I mean? If you like the person and want to get to know them better, you have no choice but to proceed. Let’s consider you talked with her make a little eye contact put a little bass in our voice, proposed her and she accepted your proposal. Well then it’s very good, really good, a job well done I must add.
Yet in relationships, the pull toward a new lover is so strong that it feels as if you really don’t have a choice at all. The stakes feel so high because you can end up attaching pretty quickly to someone new, even though you don’t know that person well enough to know if it’s truly safe to trust him or her. Love is not made for the faint-hearted. It’s not made for those who hesitate on the sidelines. You must be tremendously brave, tremendously audacious, to throw yourself into the eye of the hurricane. You must have incredible faith in your ability to mend a broken heart to risk falling into the arms of a lover whose motivations you might never fully understand. It’s meant for those who recognize that sometimes a massive love followed by a massive failure is more glorious than a timidly lived success.
After much research and consulting my expert friends, I have culled some basic rules of relationships (For those who don’t know how). This is by no means an exhaustive list. But it’s a start. Copy this down or print them out and pin them up your wall. I won’t test you on them—but life will.
1. We are attracted to people for all kinds of reasons. Someone who makes us feel important. Evaluate a potential partner; look at their character, personality, values, their generosity of spirit, the relationship between their words and actions, their relationships with others. Choose a partner wisely and well.
2. Know your partner’s beliefs about relationships. A relationship is not a guessing game.
3. Different people have different and often conflicting beliefs about relationships. Know your needs and speak up for them clearly.
4. Respect, respect, respect. Inside and outside the relationship, act in ways so that your partner always maintains respect for you.
5. Mutual respect is essential to a good relationship. Disagreements don’t sink relationships. Know how to manage differences; it’s the key to success in a relationship.
6. Talk and explore, don’t assume. If you don’t understand or like something your partner is doing, ask about it and why he or she is doing it.
7. Listen, truly listen, to your partner’s concerns and complaints without judgment. Learn to negotiate.
8. Closeness doesn’t happen by itself. In its absence, people drift apart and are susceptible to affairs. Work hard at maintaining closeness.
9. If marriage is an agreement to spend a future together. Check out your dreams with each other regularly to make sure you’re both on the same path. Take a long-range view.
10. Apologize, apologize, apologize. Anyone can make a mistake. Repair attempts are crucial. They can be clumsy or funny, even sarcastic—but willingness to make up after an argument is central to every happy relationship. Never go to sleep angry. Try a little tenderness.
If you can’t share what you like, your problems or your happiness you will have a problem. That relationship is not going nowhere. When you really love somebody, you have to love everything about them. You have to love the crust of your partner. You can’t just love the white part of the bread you have to love the crust the crumbs, the tiny crumps at the bottom of the toasters too. Whatever you’re into, your partner must also have to be into and vice versa or the relationship ain’t gonna work. If you are a born again Christian you’re woman must also be a born again Christian too. If you are an alcoholic she must be an alcoholic, if you are tribal she must also be a tribal girl, but not necessarily if you are Lungṭau she must also be Lungṭau. Hahahaa
We are trained to think that only love that lasts is worthy. I strongly disagree. Most of our love affairs are not meant to last. And sometimes it’s the broken affairs that give us the most. Sometimes our biggest breakdowns lead to our biggest breakthroughs. In this sense, there are few mistakes in love. There are no missteps, but merely fresh opportunities for growth and self-development: “Love failure is not life failure.” Remember there is life even after a broken heart!!
So, there we go reading, how to have and be in a good sweet relationship, but from a different perspective let’s see the other part of a relationship.
If you’re in a good relationship, chances are you‘re bored out of your damn mind. All good relationships are boring the only exciting relationships are the bad ones. You never know what is going to happen tomorrow when you are in a bad relationship. And that makes it exciting. Really?
Married and bored or single and lonely. Ain’t no happiness nowhere.
Those are the choices we get in life. The problem with relationships: people want too much. Everybody is looking for a soul mate. You are never going to get a soul mate, the perfect person. Nobody gets a soul mate, it doesn’t happen. You’re never going to meet somebody who loves Miley Cyrus and Iron Maiden at the same time. It’s not happening and it can’t. Even if you meet the perfect person It’s not going to be the perfect time. You’re in a relationship, they’re single. You’re tribal they’re Vais. Your Indian, they’re Pakistani. There is always an obstacle in the way. All you get in life if you are lucky is a mate. Just a mate.
Women, women, women. Nothing gets you ready for a relationship. When you meet a girl for the first time, you’re not meeting her, you’re meeting her representative. What do you all want? Do you know what you want? Do you like the things that life is showing you? Do you know what a woman wants? I know what they want: “Everything”. Women want everything as if life is on a big sale; they want to get the most of everything before things close down. Do you know what a man wants: Food, love and silence!! That’s it. Feed me, love me and shut the fcuk up! Our goals seem very attainable. Don’t they? It’s hard to figure a woman out.
Fellas, have you ever caught your girlfriend just looking at you, but saying nothing? In her mind, she was thinking, “How did I end up with this ugly bastard? Oh! Lord this bastard is ugly and stupid, I had a good man and I blew it. Damn, Lord, kill my boyfriend kill him please while I still look good enough to get something new. Now strike him Lord, if you are out there strike this ugly bastard dead”
Who are the biggest liars in a relationship: Men or Women? Men lie the most, women tell the biggest lies. Men, we lie all the time, we lie so much, it’s damn near a language. On the contrary, Women: Masters of the lie the visual lie. Look at yourselves, you got on heels, you ain’t that tall. You got on make-up, your face doesn”t look like that. You got a weave your hair ain’t that long. You got a wonder-bra on and your thing ain’t that big. Everything about is a lie and you expect me to tell the truth? Shame on you!! (But all the girls are not the same hihi or are they?)
So, whatever we may be in, life will never be satisfying. God doesn’t work like that, He wants us to always remember Him and thank or ask for Him in everything we do. We can’t have all the things we want in this life because He doesn’t want us to live life thinking we don’t need Him. But still somewhere down the line something will be waiting for you which will rock your world like a hurricane: Happiness or sorrow that I honestly don’t know!
(Jorhat, 29th May, 2013)