It’s been a year since I last saw her and I am wondering whether or not she will ever miss me. I know for sure she will never do all the while when I really miss her. She must have changed a lot, all I could think of is the good times we shared together the dumb little things. Every time I am alone I started thinking about her I sometimes feel really sad and lonely, like there’s no one who loves me. The only thing I want to do right now is to see her. Even though I know I am not going to see her for another 2-3 years, but these memories will be true, real again. Yeah I miss HOME!
As far back as I can remember, I’ve carried a constant feeling of homesickness every time I am away from my dwelling. While the feeling has manifested itself differently over the years, it’s always there. That gnawing discomfort that sits at the base of your stomach, tugging at your heartstrings with no mercy.
When people are homesick, what do they miss? Do they miss the people they left behind or the place itself? For me, it’s both. Hopeless pangs of longing to return to my hometown: ‘SIELMAT’. A feeling of desperation to see the faces and hear the voices of people I’ve left behind.
I am far away from home and I miss it, if I stop to think of it. It shows up often in my dreams and the feeling of belonging I have there I don’t have anywhere else. Maybe this is my soul telling me to go home and see as I am far away from her for years. I’m close to her deep in my heart, but my circumstances and choices in life keep me from living at home.
I miss home I am who I am at home. I miss it more than anything. I miss it more than I would miss my arm if someone sliced it off. Because right now? I feel like I’m missing part of myself. Words would simply not express how much I miss home. How dear my heart aches to be there in the presence of my parents and friends.
Home is missing the smiles on my families faces. The warm embrace rare I could feel still in my heart like it was yesterday. Home is missing laughs, family gatherings full of joy around. Home is missing the alone time with each one of them, losing time as each year passes me. Home is missing my nephews. Home is missing my dear friends who have been there beside me even through these years. Each one of them holds a special meaning to me, though we may have moved and grown I have never forgot the memories we shared. Home is missing the walks I had in different areas around. Home is missing the little paan shops we used to go and chat. Home is missing the climate, the way the air smelled, the way it would get cold or hot. The beautiful mountains you could see from simply standing in one place.
I will never forget home. Though many days, weeks, months have passed I’ll always remember what it was while I was there. I miss it dearly…Yearn to visit, I can’t wait, my heart certainly can’t..
In all honesty, the cause of my homesickness is completely unknown to me. It hovers in my life like the thickness of this humid summer night; I can’t shake it and it never goes away. No matter how much I turn a blind eye or attempt to think positive thoughts, it stays sitting and poking me with reminders that I am not where I want to be.
Homesickness, you’re a bitch
(Jorhat, 6th August, 2013)