“Am I sleeping? Have I slept at all? This is insomnia.”- Chuck Palahniuk
(Lying in bed awake)
Me: (to myself) I really need to sleep, I have to attend the morning dermatology class. I need to do all the classes tomorrow. I don’t believe it’s already 3:14am. I am only going to get 4 hours of sleep…
(more time passes)
Me: (to myself) Why can’t I sleep? I am tired. I did all the right things. Lights were off, didn’t have any caffeine, didn’t do anything active in the last 3 hours … oh wow, it’s already 4:11 am. How am I going to function tomorrow in clinic class?
If you sleep well you most likely take it for granted, while many people out there would do anything to fall asleep in a short matter of time and stay asleep until morning.
I’m highly prone to insomnia and used to find myself staring at the ceiling at 3 a.m. doing the dreaded “sleep math”, working out how many hours I could get if I just went to sleep right now. Walked through the day more like a zombie and less like a man — I with a passion hate the sound of my alarm clock very morning.
Most people do not sleep nearly as well as they should. They toss and turn throughout the night. They wake up and can’t get back to sleep. They lay there for hours trying to get to sleep or get back to sleep. I am one of them. I always find it hard to fall asleep. It is frustrating. The more I want to sleep, the more awake I become. Out of frustration I took a bath, eat my beloved paan (chewing tobacco). I wander the corridor like a ghoul or waste my sleeplessness on the internet. Nothing helps, I become more awake. Maybe you said I should lie down in my bed and try to sleep, let me tell you this I did whatever it is to be done to make myself to sleep sometime singing a lullaby to myself which seems awkward, but I did that too!
I have struggled with insomnia for a very long time now and currently back battling it again. What I do know is that I like to swathe myself in my cozy comforter, a cumulus nimbus cloud of pillows and snore my way through dreams that star Mia Wasikowska in the cast of The Lawless movie. And be jarred awake as my cheek starts to swim in the cold drool that’s formed the Great Lakes on my pillow. I like to sleep. Soundly. Undisturbed.
Sleep. I need it because without it, I go skyrocketing off to another galaxy…one full of euphoric gas. Without sleep, this over wired brain begins to short circuit….synapses, axons, dendrites, and other things misfire!
The insomnia is whipping my butt tonight. Anyone else wide awake at all hours of the night lately?
I’m going to be seriously sorry tomorrow…
Please tell me I’m not the only one!
(Jorhat, 11th August, 2013)